The Ephemeric

Well another season has come and gone in the blink of an eye, so now the expert judges at The Ephemeric (ie ME) have spent much minutes deliberating the best team of the season, a lineup of the most impressive footballers in the top flight of English football. Here's what we came up with.


First of all let's just be clear. This is not an XI of the best players in the league, if it was it would be all Chelsea and United (maybe one Liverpool player). This team is for the top performers of the season, those that have really impressed above and beyond the norm, so please do not flame me with comments like 'where is xx, he is so much better than Jagielka!'

Secondly, no Ronaldo is not in this team. Call me crazy but I don't find anything impressive about a player who kicks and spits like a rabid dog and then winks at the camera when he realizes that everyone at home saw his on-the-pitch excrement, even if the ref didn't, regardless of his fancy football and freekick/penalty goals (most of which he won by diving).

Goalkeeper: Schwarzer- the stats speak for themselves, this man has the highest save % in the league (80%), and his efforts have helped lift lowly Fulham to a mightily impressive position of European qualification.

Right Back: Johnson- Portsmouth didn't have a great year post-'arry, but Johno did. Suddenly the former Chelsea reject is getting linked with moves to Liverpool and Arsenal and is becomign a regular fixture in England squads.

Centrebacks: Jagielka & Vidic- Forget that overrated Rio, Vidic is the real star of that United defense, and they look much weaker without him. Meanwhile Jagielka is the man who has really held together an impressively stoic Everton team this season and they have really suffered in his absence through injury, another recently regular fixture in the England squad.

Left Back: Cole- It's embarrassing to think that there used to be idiots out there slagging off Ashley's post Arsenal performances, but they've almost certainly all shut up now. Coming off the back of a few really mediocre seasons at Arsenal, Ash has regained his position as a worldclass left back, and was one of Chelsea's best players this season, winning the Players' player of the year award.

Right Mid: Gerrard- Yeah I'm sticking him out wide like so often happens for both England and Liverpool, despite the unbelievable media frenzy that inevitably results, so fucking what? Gerrard is a top class player, but in this respect his versatility is probably a bad thing as it tempts people to constantly use him in positions where they don't have anyone else to play, as Benitez and Capello have so often found.

Centre Mids: Alonso & Lampard- Alonso has had a very underrated season for Liverpool this season, and it says everything that only one player in the league has had better passing accuracy than him (Mikel), but whereas Mikel is as clumsy as a mule and has the attention span of a sparrow, Xabi is a much more refined product. Meanwhile Lampard has had another absolutely top form season, best player on Chelsea by a distance, achieving his 5th season in a row where he has scored twenty goals (even stevie hasn't managed that).

Left Mid: Arshavin- In yet another season with very little for Arsenal fans to get excited about, Arshavin has shown himself to be a player of immense quality. His finest moment was undoubtedly his four goal haul against Liverpool, but his form has been good in most games he has played. Just a shame the rest of the team is so mediocre.

Forwards: Anelka & Tevez- Well Anelka's selection speaks for itself, top scorer in the league, best shots:goals ratio and probably scored the goal of the season, he's shown some real quality this season. Tevez meanwhile has turned out every week giving full effort and top class stuff, and all of this in spite of all the shit he's been getting at Old Trafford by a bunch of reeetards who inexplicably value Berbatov over him. The man deserves a lot of credit right now.