Monday, 28 August 2023
Another football season is underway, with fascinating competitions and narratives in store all up and down the table. From the rise of Newcastle, the up and coming clubs of Brighton and Brentford, to the chaos and drama at Wolves and Chelsea. Increasingly, the Premier League is proving to be such a tight and competitive league. Arguably any of the top ten clubs could push for Europe, and equally there's no one side seemingly destined for relegation. One outcome that seems in little doubt is the prospect of Manchester City winning yet another title. But this is football and anything can happen. Watch this space.
Premier League 2023/24 Predictions in a nutshell:
Champions: Manchester City
Champions League qualifiers: Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool
Relegated: Sheffield United, Everton, Luton
Golden Boot winner: Erling Haaland (Manchester City)
Golden Glove winner: Ederson (Manchester City)
Player to watch: Erling Haaland (Manchester City)
New signing to watch: Sandro Tonali (Newcastle)
Young player to watch: Levi Colwill (Chelsea)
First manager to get the sack: Paul Heckingbottom (Sheffield United)
Shock of the season: Sean Dyche to flame out and get sacked early by Everton
ARSENAL
Nickname: The Gunners
Ground: Emirates Stadium
Capacity: 60,000
Position last season: 2nd
Manager: Mikel Arteta
Key Man: Martin Odegaard
Verdict: Possible title contenders, but against improved opposition they may struggle to keep pace.
ASTON VILLA
Nickname: The Villans
Ground: Villa Park
Capacity: 42,095
Last season: 7th
Manager: Unai Emery
Predicting big things of Aston Villa, only for the Birmingham club to disappoint, seems to have become a bit of a yearly tradition. The Villans have spent big in the past few seasons, with ambitious plans afoot to finally give England's second city a club worthy of that stature, but a series of false dawns and stuttering starts have so far seen them fail to deliver.
Key Signing: Moussa Diaby
Key Man: Ollie Watkins
Verdict: Optimistic times at Villa Park, who will be targeting a top seven finish.
Nickname: The Cherries
Ground: Dean Court
Capacity: 11,364
Last season: 15th
Manager: Andoni Iraola
Key Signing: Philip Billing
Key Man: Tyler Adams
Verdict: A prime relegation candidate.
Nickname: The Bees
Ground: Brentford Community Stadium
Capacity: 17,250
Last season: 9th
Manager: Thomas Frank
It's been an impressive few seasons for London's newest representative in the top flight. Brentford increasingly look at home in this league and weren't far off from European qualification last season.
Key Signing: Mark Flekken
Key Man: Ivan Toney
Verdict: Should be safe in midtable, but a season of consolidation could be seen as a victory.
BRIGHTON
Nickname: The Seagulls
Ground: Falmer Stadium
Capacity: 31,800
Last season: 6th
Manager: Roberto De Zerbi
Key Man: Pervis Estupiñán
Verdict: Matching last season's feats will be a tall order, but should achieve a solid top half finish.
Nickname: The Clarets
Ground: Turf Moor
Capacity: 21,944
Last season: Promoted (Champions)
Manager: Vincent Kompany
Key Man: Josh Brownhill
Verdict: Great optimism surrounds the club, but they remain a relegation risk
CHELSEA
Nickname: Blues
Ground: Stamford Bridge
Capacity: 41,837
Last season: 12th (not a typo)
Manager: Mauricio Pochettino
Key Signing: Christopher Nkunku (if he ever comes back from injury)
Key Man: Reece James (if he ever comes back from injury)
CRYSTAL PALACE
Nickname: Eagles, Glaziers
Ground: Selhurst Park
Capacity: 25,486
Last season: 11th
Manager: Roy Hodgson
Key Signing: Matheus França
Key Man: Michael Olise
Verdict: I don't expect Palace to be a relegation risk, but this is very much a transition year and expectations should be set accordingly.
EVERTON
Nickname: Toffees
Ground: Goodison Park
Capacity: 40,170
Last season: 17th
Manager: Sean Dyche
In the annals of underperforming Premier League teams, few earn their place more than Everton. For a club with such a significant history and dedicated fanbase, they just can't seem to do themselves justice. After years of stagnation, the arrival of Carlo Ancelotti a few years back seemed promising, but turned out to be a false dawn. Frank Lampard briefly got pulses racing, but failed to take the club forward. Now, the man the club has chosen to take the Toffees to the next level is... Sean Dyche?
Key Signing: Ashley Young
Key Man: Jordan Pickford
Verdict: The alarm bells are ringing. Everton are not a side you expect to see relegated, but it's a real risk this season.
Nickname: The Cottagers
Ground: Craven Cottage
Capacity: 22.384
Last season: 10th
Manager: Marco Silva
Key Signing: Raúl Jimenéz
Key Man: Leno
Verdict: Should be safe, even without Mitrovic, but repeating the feats of last season seems unlikely.
Ground: Anfield
Capacity: 54,074
Last season: 5th
Manager: Jurgen Klopp
Key Signing: Alexis Mac Allister
Key Man: Mo Salah
Verdict: Will expect a top four finish.
Ground: Kenilworth Road
Capacity: 10,356
Last season: Promoted (3rd)
Manager: Rob Edwards
Key Signing: Thomas Kaminski
Key Man: Carlton Morris
Verdict: Favourites for relegation.
MANCHESTER CITY
Nickname: Blues
Ground: Etihad Stadium
Capacity: 55,017
Last season: Champions
Manager: Pep Guardiola
Key Signing: Joško Gvardiol
Key Man: Erling Haaland
Verdict: Title favourites.
MANCHESTER UNITED
Nickname: Red Devils
Ground: Old Trafford
Capacity: 74,879
Last season: 3rd
Manager: Erik ten Hag
Key Man: Casemiro
Verdict: Top four is the minimum expectation, but they have their target set on bigger things.
Nickname: The Magpies, Toon
Ground: St James' Park
Capacity: 52,305
Last season: 4th
Manager: Eddie Howe
Key Signing: Sandro Tonali
Key Man: Kieran Trippier
Verdict: The additional strain of Europe will pose challenges, but I think this squad is good enough to push for top four once again.
Nickname: The Reds
Ground: City Ground
Capacity: 30,445
Last season: 16th
Manager: Steve Cooper
Key Signing: Ola Aina
Key Man: Taiwo Awoniyi
Verdict: Not a foregone conclusion, but definitely one of the risks for relegation.
Nickname: The Blades
Ground: Bramall Lane
Capacity: 31,884
Last season: Promoted (Runner up)
Manager: Paul Heckingbottom
Key Signing: Bénie Traoré
Key Man: Anel Ahmedhodžić
Ground: Tottenham Hotspur Stadium
Capacity: 62,850
Last season: 8th
Manager: Ange Postecoglou
Key Signing: James Maddison
Key Man: Son Heung-Min
Verdict: A strong top four contender..
Nickname: The Hammers
Ground: London Stadium
Capacity: 60,000
Last season: 14th
Manager: David Moyes
I think people have been sleeping on West Ham a bit this summer. That's saying something coming from me, a commenter who typically mocks the media's fascination with The Hammers and that bold new era of success that never comes.
Key Signing: James Ward-Prowse
Key Man: Jarrod Bowen
Verdict: Will push for Europa League qualification, finish in the top half.
WOLVERHAMPTON WANDERERS
Nickname: Wolves
Ground: Molineux Stadium
Capacity: 32,050
Last season: 13th
Manager: Gary O'Neil
Key Signing: Matheus Cunha
Key Man: Neto
Verdict: Without further reinforcements will struggle, and perhaps risk relegation.
Predicted table:
1. Manchester City
2. Manchester United
5. Newcastle
6. Tottenham Hotspur
7. Chelsea
8. West Ham United
9. Aston Villa
10. Brighton
11. Brentford
12. Fulham
13. Crystal Palace
14. Burnley
15. Wolverhampton Wanderers
16. Nottingham Forest
17. Bournemouth
18. Sheffield United
19. Everton
20. Luton
Friday, 7 July 2023
Developed by Nintendo
Published by Nintendo
Genre Action-Advenutre
Platform Switch
"How do you follow up one of the best videogames ever made" is not a question that most developers will ever need to answer, but for Nintendo this is familiar ground.
Minor annoyances aside, you'd have to say that Nintendo have somehow done it again. They've followed up a landmark game with yet another landmark game, one that expands and objectively improves upon just about every element of its predecessor. Tears of the Kingdom is simply brilliant, and there's really no other way to describe it.

Sunday, 4 June 2023
Genre Synth-pop
Label Virgin
Producers Anthony Gonzalez
Must Listen :
Earth to Sea
Oceans Niagara
Amnesia
Dismemberment Bureau

Monday, 29 May 2023
Another Premier League campaign in the history books and it was a season of heartbreak for many. Arsenal led the way for most of the year before faltering in the final weeks. Tottenham similarly looked set for Champions League qualification before a late fall saw them drop out of contention for any European competition. At the foot of the table, recent Premier League champions Leicester city shockingly dropped down to the Championship. Chelsea also existed.

The Ephemeric Premier League Awards 2023:
Winners: Manchester City
Relegated: Leicester, Leeds, Southampton
Player of the Year: Erling Haaland (Manchester City)
U-21 Player of the Year: Bukayo Saka (Arsenal)
Best Goalkeeper: Nick Pope (Newcastle)
Top Scorer: Erling Haaland (Manchester City) (36)
Most Assists: Kevin De Bruyne (Manchester City) (16)
Manager of the Year: Unai Emery (Aston Villa)
Best signing of the season: Erling Haaland (Manchester City)
Worst signing of the season: Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (Chelsea)
The Ephemeric Premier League Team of the Season 2023:

Saturday, 22 April 2023
Directed by Aaron Horvath, Michael Jelenic
Written by Matthew Fogel
Produced by Chris Meledandri, Shigeru Miyamoto
Starring Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Jack Black, Charlie Day, Seth Rogen
Studio Illumination
Running time 92 minutes

To be clear, this is definitely not a bad movie, but set your expectations appropriately. This is a fun little romp with a lot of bright colourful gags for kids, and nostalgia for adults. It's unfortunately a bit shallow and forgettable, but the real value may yet be realised in how it sets up the future Nintendo cinematic universe.

Sunday, 9 April 2023
Developed by Avalanche Software
Published by Warner Bros Games
Genre Action role-playing game
Platform PC, Playstation, Xbox, Switch
For years, fans have been asking for a game like this. If you asked a group of people what their dream videogame would be, often you'd get a response along the lines of "an open-world Harry Potter RPG that lets you live and go to school at Hogwarts." It's become something of a meme to ask why this game doesn't exist. You can see why. Harry Potter and the Wizarding World is, after all, one of the biggest franchises in the entire entertainment industry, with a built-in fanbase conservatively estimated in the multi-millions strong. Not to mention a fanbase that is notable for its passion, to the point where brick and mortar Wizarding World merchandise shops exist all over the world, with people routinely buying their own wands and Hogwarts regalia. A game that allows those fans to live out their fantasies seems like an obvious money-maker.

Sunday, 2 April 2023
On March 30, 2023, a grand jury convened by the Manhattan District Attorney, unanimously voted to criminally indict the former President of the United States, Donald Trump. While the exact charges remain under seal, they are believed to include more than 30 fraud-related charges, including at least one (perhaps several) that rise to the level of a felony. It is a historic moment in American history, but to call it a shock would be untrue. Frankly, if anything about this surprises you, you just haven't been paying attention.

This has been coming for a long time. Donald Trump's criminal investigations are numerous and it has been pretty clear for a while now that he would face some form of indictment eventually. The only question has been which investigation would get to him first. There is some irony to the fact that a man currently under investigation for Espionage Act violations, election interference in Georgia as well as the attempted Jan 6 coup d'etat would first be brought down by sleeping with a porn star, but as we will soon see, there are very real and serious crimes here, the facts of which have long been established in law. It is no surprise to see these charges lead the way.
Sunday, 12 March 2023

Welcome back to The Ephemeric. It is Oscar season again, and once again March is the month in which I know not the light of day. I could make the same joke as last year by copy pasting the intro blurb, but instead I'll just get straight to some predictions so we can all go on with our day.
This was actually a pretty tricky year to call. I am very torn between The Banshees of Inisherin and Everything Everywhere All at Once for the bulk of awards. Both are love it or hate it kind of movies that could really go either way depending on who's voting. Meanwhile many of the technical awards are being contested by an array of sumptuously produced but otherwise aggressively "just ok" films like Elvis, Avatar 2 and The Fabelans. I'm usually pretty accurate with these predictions, but who knows, this year could spring a few surprises!
Best Picture
Nominations:
- All Quiet on the Western Front – Malte Grunert, producer
- Avatar: The Way of Water – James Cameron and Jon Landau, producers
- The Banshees of Inisherin – Graham Broadbent, Peter Czernin, and Martin McDonagh, producers
- Elvis – Baz Luhrmann, Catherine Martin, Gail Berman, Patrick McCormick, and Schuyler Weiss, producers
- Everything Everywhere All at Once – Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, and Jonathan Wang, producers
- The Fabelmans – Kristie Macosko Krieger, Steven Spielberg, and Tony Kushner, producers
- Tár – Todd Field, Alexandra Milchan, and Scott Lambert, producers
- Top Gun: Maverick – Tom Cruise, Christopher McQuarrie, David Ellison, and Jerry Bruckheimer, producers
- Triangle of Sadness – Erik Hemmendorff and Philippe Bober, producers
- Women Talking – Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, and Frances McDormand, producers
Who should really win: Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Director
Nominations:
- Martin McDonagh – The Banshees of Inisherin
- Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert – Everything Everywhere All at Once
- Steven Spielberg – The Fabelmans
- Todd Field – Tár
- Ruben Östlund – Triangle of Sadness
Who should really win: Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert - Everything Everywhere All at Once
Best Actor
Nominations:
- Austin Butler – Elvis as Elvis Presley
- Colin Farrell – The Banshees of Inisherin as Pádraic Súilleabháin
- Brendan Fraser – The Whale as Charlie
- Paul Mescal – Aftersun as Calum Paterson
- Bill Nighy – Living as Mr. Rodney Williams
Who should really win: Colin Farrell – The Banshees of Inisherin as Pádraic Súilleabháin
Best Actress
Nominations:
- Cate Blanchett – Tár as Lydia Tár
- Ana de Armas – Blonde as Norma Jeane
- Andrea Riseborough – To Leslie as Leslie Rowlands
- Michelle Williams – The Fabelmans as Mitzi Schildkraut-Fabelman
- Michelle Yeoh – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Evelyn Quan Wang
Who should really win: Michelle Yeoh – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Evelyn Quan Wang
Best Supporting Actor
Nominations:
- Brendan Gleeson – The Banshees of Inisherin as Colm Doherty
- Brian Tyree Henry – Causeway as James Aucoin
- Judd Hirsch – The Fabelmans as Boris Schildkraut
- Barry Keoghan – The Banshees of Inisherin as Dominic Kearney
- Ke Huy Quan – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Waymond Wang
Who should really win: Ke Huy Quan – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Waymond Wang
Best Supporting Actress
Nominations:
- Angela Bassett – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever as Queen Ramonda
- Hong Chau – The Whale as Liz
- Kerry Condon – The Banshees of Inisherin as Siobhán Súilleabháin
- Jamie Lee Curtis – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Deirdre Beaubeirdre
- Stephanie Hsu – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Joy Wang / Jobu Tupaki
Who should really win: Stephanie Hsu – Everything Everywhere All at Once as Joy Wang / Jobu Tupaki
Best Original Screenplay
Nominations:
- The Banshees of Inisherin – Martin McDonagh
- Everything Everywhere All at Once – Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert
- The Fabelmans – Steven Spielberg and Tony Kushner
- Tár – Todd Field
- Triangle of Sadness – Ruben Östlund
Who should really win: The Banshees of Inisherin – Martin McDonagh
Best Adapted Screenplay
Nominations:
- All Quiet on the Western Front – Edward Berger, Lesley Paterson, and Ian Stokell; based on the novel by Erich Maria Remarque
- Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery – Rian Johnson; based on characters created by Johnson and the film Knives Out
- Living – Kazuo Ishiguro; based on the original motion picture screenplay Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa, Shinobu Hashimoto, and Hideo Oguni
- Top Gun: Maverick – Screenplay by Ehren Kruger, Eric Warren Singer, and Christopher McQuarrie; Story by Peter Craig and Justin Marks; based on the film Top Gun written by Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr.
- Women Talking – Sarah Polley; based on the novel by Miriam Toews
Who should really win: Living – Kazuo Ishiguro; based on the original motion picture screenplay Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa, Shinobu Hashimoto, and Hideo Oguni
So there you have it, The Ephemeric's picks for the year. Enjoy the Oscars tonight, and when the results go as predicted, remember that you heard it here first!