james debate
james debate

Tuesday, 25 December 2007

Im sorry. I can be a bad person sometimes. Believe it or not. Its a respect issue, and you know its a problem when you find yourself compelled to talk to someone more out of intellectual curiosity than real interest. It doesn't happen often I should point out.

But let's picture an example, im sure a few people can relate to; repressed feelings, complete denial and general confusion. Heck I actually got a speech from her a little while ago that honestly sounded like she had spent the last 3 weeks rehearsing it in front of her bathroom mirror about how she had only been 'pretending' to care. Needless to say if it took her 3 weeks to convince herself I wasn't convinced by 30 seconds of half embarrassed mumblings, but i digress. i think it'd be a bit rude to repeat them here but do ask, its quite funny. The bad part is my reaction. I was silent. I was trying hard not to crack a smile, but I let her think I was hurt. It wasn't mean spirited at the time I just really didn't know what to do. After years of the exact same shenanigans it gets a little predictable and at first I wasn't sure if she was just joking, aware of the irony, and its a little weird that she wasnt. She speaks these things in such a strained, fake, deliberate way that it becomes really hard to tell. The real joke is that she does all this with that unmistakable undeserved confidence in herself, and as someone who spent 5 years at Eton its something ive seen a million times.
She has somehow convinced herself into believing that I'm predictable and easy to manipulate. She actually said so to my face. She has no idea that I walked away from the station with a big grin on my face. But why ruin that for her, she seems to enjoy feeling like she has control over people :S

I can't tell you here what I really feel about the whole issue, but its a nice bit of closure when a girl loses her mystique and you actually feel slightly sorry, hence the first sentence of this post.

what I can say is how lucky a guy I am. i have that warm and fluttery feeling inside me that i havent had for several months :) there are a lot of really wonderful people in my life and one or two in particular who really put a smile on my face every time i speak to them. the complete polar opposite of the person mentioned above ^, i've met a girl whos stable, open and, hell, actually grown up! Its surprising how rare it is to find people like that. but here she is and it is truly a breath of fresh air. im supposed to keep this a little hush hush at the moment so i wont say much more, but ask and i shall tell.

I'm off to paris in a few days for much shopping and merriment. when i get back ill sort out more things, like concrete details on the party and the like, i look forward to talking to all of you in the coming days though as i am in good spirits these days.

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